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My grandmother had settled into one of the two comfortable chairs; I sat in its twin opposite her.“Thanks,” I said, raising the can.“Like I said,” gran continued. “I’ve been thinking about the whole thing quite a lot.” She gave me her direct, schoolmarm look, the one where she peered sternly over the rims of her specs. “And I wondered, Robert, if you’d tell me about ...” Here she paused and, for one of the few times ever that I’ve known her, appeared flustered and unsure. “Well ...” she continued, actually squirming in her seat while she tackled the problem of what to say. “When you looked at the pictures. Do I understand you correctly? Did you masturbate, Robert? That’s what I’m trying to ask.”My face burned but I suppose she deserved an answer no matter how humiliating the truth might be to me.I nodded. “Yes, Gran.” I swigged at the cola, suddenly thirsty as hell. A proper drink would have been welcome.“You looked at the photos and ... and ...”“Yes,” I hissed, eyes squeezed closed.. Chandler continued. “With that, all I have to do is make sure we have everything we need onboard. And to see if we can get something painted on the bow.”“And what would we paint on the bow, Ensign?”“Why Ensign Williams’ concubine has just a glorious drawing of a black sheep biting a big penis, and I thought you’d want to have that painted on the ship, Pappy. The AI says they can have a maintenance bot spray it on in no time. Excuse me if I’ve overstepped my bounds here.”The room erupted in laughter, and it was hard not to join in. Well, in for a penny, in for a pound.“Ah, the heck with it. If you guys want to do it, go ahead. Geez, we’re going to be known as the dick biters and you guys think this is a good idea. Well, you gotta live with it too!”At least they gave me a little advance warning. Once the ship is done everyone is going to want to have a look at it, since it’s something new. It’ll be this atrociously ugly black mess with crap stuck all over it, and on the front will be.
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