************* After what seemed like hours of complete silence and no movement I shift and look up into your eyes. “I love you.” I say. “Michelle what happened?” “Make love to me.” “Michelle, what’s wrong? You need to talk to me. ” you say in a slightly stern voice. “I can’t, it doesn’t make sense. I don’t know what’s wrong.” I lie trying to cover my irrational feelings. I really don’t know why I’ve reacted like this. I don’t know if it’s about me, about the toys, the spanking or if it’s about us. Why today and why now? “Please make love to me. I need you right now.” “No, are you out of your fucking mind. I’m not touching you until I know what’s wrong. You have to talk to me.” The thoughts in my head and the feelings in my heart are colliding. More sternly and much louder you say “Michelle! What’s wrong?” You’ve rolled off the bed and are standing at the edge. Your hands are out in front of you with your palms up as if to ask a question. I can’t respond. I’m frozen. It’s. But what I did have was a calculating, and some might say, devious mind. I’d obtained my university degree and then been taken on as a graduate with a major player in the electronics industry. They were paying me a generous salary, and I’d taken what I hoped was the wise choice of getting on to the property ladder. I was twenty three years old. My home was an apartment on the top floor of newly refurbished building. It had two spacious bedrooms, two bathrooms and a generous kitchen leading off the lounge. There were two balconies with views over the city to the west and communal gardens to the south. My family home was only a couple of streets away, a substantial detached four bedroom house that my parents had bought some twenty five years ago and which was now occupied by my two younger sisters as well as mum and dad. I first got the idea of installing recording equipment when I was decorating the place shortly after moving in. My mother had bought me an antique mirror framed in.
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