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Me: U can come here, my dads gone for the weekend.Damaris: K coming down nowOh shit! What’s this about?My stomach felt sick – this isn’t good.There was a knock at the door – I hesitantly answered it. It was Damaris, “Hey, can I come in?”“Uhh yeah, of course.”I immediately apologized profusely, begging her to forgive me, I was drunk and to not tell my dad. She just looked at me.She snapped – “Look white boy, you’re too young and I’m not into white guys, but I need this money now, and I can’t think of any way to get it in such short notice. If you swear on your life to keep your mouth shut, maybe we can help each other out?”My mind is spinning – what is happening?“Uhm yeah – of course I would never say anything, I swear!”OK – she says, “Do you have the money on you now?” “Yeah, in my room” We walk in, and I grab a container that I keep my money in. I count out $250 and hand it to her.OK – where do you want to start she says?I freeze up a bit – “ahhh, I don’t know.”I sit her on the. They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1000 an inch.”The man perks up.“So,” the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years, and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now, she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before, and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.The doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”“Yes I have,” says the man.“And has she helped you make a decision?”“Yes,” says the man.“What is your decision?” asks the doctor.“We’re getting granite countertops.”The Italian Gardner-Spring will be here before you know itAn elderly Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was.
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