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Pass me a glass.’ I took another long pull at the wine and refilled the glass. ‘I had to ask her,’ I said bleakly, ‘I can remember every second of that meeting. She cried, she said she loved me, but it was her duty to stand by her husband. I ranted, I raved but she wouldn’t budge. So Silvio came back. He had to be told about us but what could he say. I’d looked after his wife and children for nearly four years. He accepted you as his son and he’s not been a bad father has he?’ Guy nodded, ‘No he hasn’t. I always felt happier with you, you know,’ he smiled now, ‘apart from the business with Maria. Now I know you couldn’t be the father!’ I smiled at him, ‘That was an interesting time. Anyway, I had a hard time handling this. Thinking of them together, you know, in bed. I’d lost the woman I loved to my best friend and I’d lost my son as well. Your mother was adamant, even more so now Silvio was back – she couldn’t face the shame of a public affair. I started drinking, staying out,. One thing was sure, I was burned-out on marriage and in no mood to deal with people in general. I had plans to go out that morning and do things, but as I awoke, I wasn’t energized or rejuvenated. I was just fucking down and drained. I was depressed about how dismal things had gotten, mostly about the failure of my first attempt at marriage, though to be fair to me, I had tried to make it work in spite of my misgivings. I had given it every honest attempt, including the mutual decision (her idea, but I tolerated it) to become monogamous early on, in spite of my serious reservations about the wisdom of monogamy. It was Courtney who couldn’t live by her own principles of fidelity, wasn’t it, the fucking hypocritical bitch!That was the real cause of my despair, of course. I had foolishly chosen a very bad companion for me, one sure to make me miserable, not happy with my life, though I couldn’t see past her dimples and her goddamn dirty blonde hair! Fuck my luck, I thought, as I tried to.
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