The simplest comment might send her into a spiral where she couldn’t climb out of bed for days. Jane and Toni were peripherally aware of her illness, but since he never spoke of it, they never really questioned him about it.The situation only worsened over time. He was not only responsible for feeding himself and getting her to eat enough to survive, but he had to keep his mother safe from anything which might set her off: sales calls, comments from others, the daily mail, even notes from school.Another image popped into his mind. He was struggling to complete a model of Fort Ticonderoga for a school project. His mother had promised to take him shopping for supplies for weeks, but they’d never gone, and he was busy trying to slice the phosphorous off the safety matches to construct the logs when a stray spark caused his soup can full of shavings to explode in his face. The project never got turned in, and while the other kids understood his singed brows—having experienced it. But one by one, members dropped away as new people joined the group and created their own synergy. I never lost track of Karen, though. We would get together for dinner occasionally, exchange greeting cards, and just talk on the phone every once in a while. I never asked her about her love life and she never inquired about mine. She knew that I moved from one relationship to another while I never detected that she even dated. The whole time, unbeknownst to a girlfriend I had at the time, I was dabbling in my hobby. I was a closet crossdresser, and without someone living with me fulltime, I had ample closet space. But I always yearned for that relationship in which I could be open about my desires and even indulge in my deepest fantasies of feminization. I was willing to settle for just a taste of things, but I never thought that I could trust any of my girlfriends. I’m not sure when my desire to share my secret with someone started, but it never went away. Over the years, it would.
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