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What hurt me was that when something actually did happen to him — I wasn’t there to support him. When he needed me, really needed me, I wasn’t there. That was my shame and I had to find a way to make it right with him. I knew he loved me still – although I sometimes wondered why. I had been such a bitch. I had to find a way to make things right with him. It was going to be hard for him to leave his chosen life and I wanted to walk beside him on the journey, hand in hand, step by step. Maybe it was the wine or maybe it was the new clarity of my understanding of what Jerry meant to me and how important his love was, but I slept soundly and woke up refreshed and feeling better about myself than I had for years. I realized, of course, that it wasn’t as simple as kiss and make up. It would be hard and take a lot of forgiveness from Jerry and even more patience by me, but we could do it. We had to. I wasn’t going to dump it all on him at once. I would show him my love, support him, and. We would have dinner at a local restaurant, and they would decide if they wanted to extend the invitation to their home for fun and games.The day came, and I made sure I was clean inside and out. I shaved, wore a men's fragrance in appropriate places, and dressed nicely. I arrived at the restaurant just a minute before them. Stepping out of our cars we introduced ourselves and went in for dinner.The restaurant was pretty good, and the conversation went well. We talked mostly about things other than what was going to happen. At the end of the meal we went outside and they talked privately for a minute, then invited me to follow them to their place. Their home was a large brick house in a nice subdivision. We went inside, and drinks were poured. After a few minutes of conversation she suggested we retire to the hot tub. She showed me where I could leave my clothes. They undressed in their bedroom, and we all met nude in their indoor tub.The wife led the way, reaching out to touch my.
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