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I had a million questions. Did she like it? Were the characters well developed? Did I get the extra half-point for my grade? “It’s a good first effort,” she said. First effort? Shit! That could only mean it needs a second effort. “Now please don’t consider criticism to be negative when it is intended to help you make this better. I’m not going to use words like ‘I like it’ or ‘I don’t like it’. That’s irrelevant to our discussion. My personal tastes are not at issue. I’ll try to keep this as objective as I can within the realm of language and literature. Good enough?”“Yes, ma’am,” I said. I was already a bit dejected. I’d put my heart into this story. Toughen up, old man.“Okay. Let’s start with the story arc. I think you could begin with something more dramatic that draws the reader into the story more rapidly. It’s the third page before we have a clue that they are boarding a spaceship. Lead with it. Even a simple a sentence of thought from the main character that said, ‘I took one. ” Sheramiv replied, and chuckled. “You have already returned to profitability, and the rest of your planned constructions are fully paid for.“Unfortunately, the fortifications and military emplacements for your properties are behind schedule, due to a shortage of certain military materiel. Since the Wards around Venak were raised, Yazadril has brought The Just Alliance to a state of military readiness for a large and extended conflict, and the Alliance forces have requisitioned much of what is needed for those projects. Of course, the Alliance’s improved defenses, which have caused the shortage, also make the fortification of your individual properties much less pertinent.“All else is proceeding apace. Would you care to review anything in greater detail?”“No, thanks.” Mark chuckled. “Just concentrate your fortification and armament efforts on here, The Queen of Waves, and Winghoof Estate. The rest can wait till the shortages end.”“Understood.”“Will you be at the party, Sheramiv?”.
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