I looked so much like a girl already with my shoulder passingblond hair. I mean I knew that I looked somewhat androgynouswhen I wore guy clothes. It was rather usually that sometimesstrangers mistaken me for a girl. But now with all the girlclothes, there was no doubt I am staring at a teenage girl inthe mirror.The funny feeling started coming back again. I felt so femininethat I wanted to act girlish and coy to match my appearance. Iwas like, being possessed and pranced to the counter table, withmy hands limp-wristed to get a hairbrush. I brushed out myusually combed back look and did a side parting with my fringeand brushed down the sides to frame my face in a girlishfashion. I was so mesmerized by my own image that I fell into atrance."No time for self-admiring now," I chided myself softly in alight and high-pitch voice.I flounced over to a pair of knee-high black boots in one cornerand checked the label for size."Size six! My size! Oh, I am so lucky to have small feet!" Igiggled.I. We have a ritualistic passage for the transition. That is called the initiation. Around your fourteenth birthday you will be initiated by our Spiritual Leader, Mr. Domino. But before then you need to be taught your place in our society; you have a lot to learn. Today your uncle will move your bed into our bedroom. In the commune the family sleeps in one room together. You will watch your aunt and uncle make love so you know what to do when it is your turn."She sat with her back to the headboard. Her aunt and uncle were directly across from her. There was a low watt light bulb in the lamp on the night stand next to their bed. It provided just enough light for Jan to see what they were doing. First her aunt laid on the bed face down. Her uncle swatted her aunt's butt hard twice before climbing in bed. They never showed that in the movies or on TV. In fact a lot of what her aunt and uncle did for the next half hour was never shown in the movies, even in films rated NC17. Jan could tell.
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