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I guess my anger was at what other people see as weakness or passivity. I see it differently, as this is the side that would actually walk on burning coals and lay down his life for me. He wouldn’t be happy about it, but he would take the pain and suffering to ensure my happiness. My anger wasn’t that he would do these things, but that he would do them without challenging me or my motivation, something which a more classically masculine or assertive husband would have done, helping to protect me from myself. Beating myself up about my own behavior, sometimes during these days I shifted some of the blame from myself by thinking of how a different type of husband who would have helped protect me from myself. Maybe fifty percent of this was blame was unfair to Pete, but sometimes the grass always seems greener, right. As I look back now, I wouldn’t change Pete for any other man in the Universe, but I just think we were a dangerous fit for each other. Both too ready to play the game,. I could hear him stroking his cock with both hands but it sounded wet now. He grabbed the bench beneathe me and pulled it back to the center of the room. 'Theres no way he's going to put that thing back in my broken pussy, and why is there a gag still in my mouth if he wants to come again?' Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. My heart sank into my stomach and I started to panic the second I felt a cool wet liquid being poured onto my virgin anus. I went into a complete panic. I was screaming as loud as I could into the gag. Shaking my head as hard as I could back and forth trying to indicate no. I pulled as hard as I possibly could against the handcuffs and straps on my knees until my muscles ached but it was useless. He poured a liberal amount of lube on and around my ass, then took a hand and rubbed it all around my virgin hole. 'No fucking way' I thought. 'This is not happening! I'm not some sort of dirty slut who gets fucked in the ass. I've never ever had anything in my ass.
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