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Dick-less Horseman!" Dickless?" I asked. "That explains his surliness. Is his name Ken by any chance?"Her face promptly lit up. "Speaking of names, I just realized yours. You're that... uh... actress Portia Porsche. I've seen all your videos, even your musical with Mike Hunt." Oh, you mean 'Schlong of the South'? The one where I sang 'Semen Keeps Falling on my Head'. It's nice to meet a fan," I said while shaking then caressing her hand. "Does anyone know where yon maidens are taken?" The word on the cobblestone street is the demon takes them to Hell," Gloria explained. "Satan always preys on the innocent." That explains why I've never met the gentleman. Besides, I don't believe in Hell. It's a myth designed for frightening the gullible." Gloria grabbed her full chest and stumbled backward like Fred Sanford suffering yet another heart attack.With wide-eyes, she asked, "Are you an atheist?" Quite the contrary, I'm a good Catholic girl. I go to mass twice every year religiously. I even. "You? Get serious, Sandy. You're not paying - it's my fuck-up, notyours." But this'll never happen to me," I argued. "It's the least I can do.And I make a lot more money than you do." Maybe, but you've also got a lot bigger clothing obsession than I do.You need every cent you got." It seemed that her sense of humor wasreturning, and I almost giggled out loud - she was so right about myobsession - but I really did want to help out."Well, let's wait and see what the bill is." Don't you have to be somewhere this afternoon?" Oh shit, I almost forgot. I need to go find a phone and see if one ofthe other girls can cover for me. Be back in a jiff."I found what I was looking for in a patient lounge at the end of thehall, and thankfully it only took one call to the girl I'd covered for.Back in Kath's room, we resumed our argument about who would cover thebill for her 'procedure.'"Let me pay," I pleaded. "If you do it, your folks might find out -like, what if they see your bank statement? I.
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