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I can recall the shoulders of every man I ever slept with, except these days it's not at my leisure, it's at my torture. My friends think it is funny that after so many years of sexual adventure, I should retire for a time. It's still curiously unfashionable for a woman to admit to lust. We approve of women who are cartoonish in being voracious or women who are brave enough to plumb the depths of kink for our public titillation. But I am one of a legion of hidden women who censor our own day to day desires. We walk down the street and we work in your building and we are greedy for something we would never ask of you. There is something in us that is darker and needier and bottomless, we want, we want so much. We will never tell you so.When I stand before the mirror naked, what I see now are the hands that used to own it. I wonder if the man who remarked on the curve of my waist and traced it with a tickle still remembers it. I wonder in whose mind, if anyone's, my nipples still. We did nothing else but sex, except a couple of small meals and a little casual conversation, until dark on Sunday. Finally we showered together again and we both seemed sated. She looked at me and said, "You always were the best."I returned the comment and added, "too bad I wasn't enough for you."She grew sad again and said softly, "Yes it was too bad. I am so sorry I'm like that." dashing my hopes that she would swear it would never happen again.She dressed and left shortly.Things went on. I would see her around town, sometimes alone, sometimes with girlfriends, sometimes on a date. There was this one Friday night we ran into each other at our favorite restaurant, both with dates. We shared a table over dinner. Her date was a pretty nice guy I knew. I wondered if she would be fucking him before the night was over and decided of course she would. My date was a sexy little thing that loved to fuck and was great fun to be with, but compared to Clair she was a lame duck.After dinner I.
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