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Chapter 4When the mist before my eyes cleared I found I was back in 1965, and it wasn't even in black and white. I did a little dance of triumph. This was unprecedented territory. Two of my inventions had worked in the same day. Nobody even slightly injured either. There's no sign of an angry mob and nobody holding a torch. Maybe my luck is changing?All I had to do now was find myself and zap myself with the gun. Then I could go back by stepping into the time machine. Ah. No it isn't here. It must still be up in the future. So that means that after some intense consideration it's time to totally panic and freak out."Oh my God! I'm stuck in the past!" I shouted. I ran up and down waving my gun and screaming. After a couple of minutes I realised that a small crowd of people had gathered. The mad scientist self-protection instinct kicked in as I felt the mob forming. I stopped running."Hi. Now I've got your attention I'd like to tell you about our new product." That should work I. It’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!o If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.o As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.o Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it.o Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the.
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