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"Jenn, I'm guessing you're 22!" Her mouth dropped open, exposing her teeth again AND her tongue. "How did you do that? My birthday is tomorrow, and I'll be 22!" I winked at her, leaned close, and said, "Age and Treachery, My Dear!" She laughed, and I continued with a question about her birthday plans. "Don't have any. My parents are traveling and most of my friends are in the service industry. They work nights." I was so struck by this Latina nymph, I felt disappointed for her. "Well, THAT can't happen. Please don't take this a wrong way, but what would you say to having a birthday dinner with me. My treat - you name the place!" She laughed, but I did not. "You're serious, aren't you?" "Dead serious - I can't leave her knowing you're going to be alone on your birthday! Seriously, I'll take you anywhere you'd like - cost is no object!"Jenn responded with, "If you're really serious, I'm going to hold you to it. I'm finished with work tomorrow at 4:30 p.m." I responded with, "O.K.,. He just sat back as the asshole agent looked at the documents. His partner had the "oh shit I am so screwed" look on his face for a second before regaining his FBI face."Any good counterfeiting ring can produce documents of this nature with a cheap bargain basement laser printer and stolen letterhead. The signatures and notarization carry no weight, they too are easily forged," he told my lawyer. "All you have done is further bury your client by providing a clear pattern of money laundering. If this is the only defense you have I will be turning your client over to federal marshals to await arraignment whenever convenient for the judge."What the fuck? Is this guy really believing his own bullshit?My lawyer was pissed now, but maintained his calm tone as he told the agent, "Agent. These documents are signed by the bank presidents, notarized by their public notaries, and witnessed by myself." I don't give a damn if the President of the United States signed this load of horseshit right.
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