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From the look on the woman's face as she cared for her infant, Icould see how much she loved the baby. I wondered if my real mother hadever looked at _me_ that way? Had she nursed me, cradling me tenderlywhile she saw to my needs? Those questions made the sting of abandonmentall that more painful. I tried to focus on my book again, and noticedthat there were drops on the pages, tears which I hadn't even noticed hadrun down my cheeks and dripped onto my precious book.Sometime around two in the morning, I closed the book, giving up onreading. My eyes were too misty, and I was in too melancholic a mood,probably as depressed as I'd ever felt about being an orphan. I wasalone in the world, unwanted, rejected, defective. I'd been abandoned bymy mother - a woman who should have loved me like the woman in the malldid with her infant. Fighting tears, I sat up, and then crawledcautiously down from my bunk, my reading light and book in hand. I wasashamed to admit it, but I had to put. Unless she’ goes slow just to piss me off. The things that can come out of that woman’s mouth. The way she can look at you saying them. It’s discombobulating. She can ask a question that only has one answer. That smile and that body. No-one but the most attached and most faithful have any chance.The second part is the riskiest. It can happen 101 ways. All of a sudden we’re on the move, as her surprised suitor gets looking for a place to turn this trash-mouthed creature into a conquest. Usually she gets some way to motion me, not always. Usually he feels he’s in control, sometimes he suspects it’s the other way around but doesn’t care. She can make suggestions and do her best to keep me in sight but he’s in control here. He has to find a place. Car back seats of cars of course, restaurant alleys, park benches (my personal favourite), the back row of empty movies, etc.etc. Anything but washrooms, every guy’s first instinct. Washrooms suck. Even if I can get in there.
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