I went in to my room for a cover-up to put over my bikini and then Sarah and I went into the kitchen to cut some cheese for crackers to snack on. She teased me about John, telling me that he was mine for the taking. I smiled and went back to the deck with snacks and drinks on a tray.The two loveseats on the covered porch left me sitting next to John. My mind raced thinking about having sex with someone new. I was physically attracted to his body I found, especially in the margarita – induced state that made me slightly drunk and definitely horny. I was planning on a quiet masturbation session later that night when I went to bed.We listened to music and Sarah urged us to dance a couple of slow ones. I was hesitant but she was insistent and after a bit I felt silly sitting there watching them. I pulled John and up and joined them. I had to admit his body against mine felt yummy. His dark skin against mine was visually exciting. His shoulders and chest were well developed and his stomach. I didn’t know why. It was just the way things were between us, but that all changed the night he proposed,” I said dropping my gaze to my lap.“He wasn’t your first because we’ve had that conversation and you didn’t mention him at all during that conversation,” Marcus said during my pause with a look of confusion and concern.“I know. I didn’t what to talk about him then and I was never planning on talking about him ever,” I said turning my eyes to his.I could see that this hurt him a little, but that was something to discuss later. If I was to tell him about Jorden it was all or never. I took another deep breath, steeled myself and began to remember all the details of that night that I kept so tightly sealed away.I closed my eyes again, so I didn’t have to see Marcus’s face, and I was back with Jorden. The rush of sorrow, pain and loss almost stopped me, but Marcus took my hand and said, “You can do this, I will love you no matter what you tell me,” and with that statement, I began to.
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