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I didn't listen to a word, of course; a similar speech last summer turned out to be terribly misleading, and failed to mention the sadistic seventh-graders obsessed with destroying me.Instead, I examined the counselor-instructors that were seated in a row behind the podium. As I scanned their faces from left to right, I only found two that were interesting enough to make me pause. The first was a guy who looked sort of like a cross between a howler monkey and a mackerel. He had really big ears, puffy cheeks, and bulging eyes that didn't seem to blink quite as often as they should. Alouatta scombrus insularis, I joked to myself. I also noticed a girl seated toward the right, between two Ivy-League types. Indeed, I more than noticed her-I became transfixed by her. She dressed as though she were the result of high-speed particles of personality from each of the last five decades colliding and fusing into one: burgundy saddle shoes, a light green knee-length skirt with a weird Indian. ”After we’d demolished the food, we took our time draining the accompanying insulated jug of coffee. Eventually we ran out of excuses to prolong our time together and reluctantly took the elevator down to the hotel lobby.“I’ll handle the checkout,” volunteered Joanna. “If they need us to sign anything, I can write ‘Kafkasian’ more smoothly than you. You’d better give me the prom package receipt in case they ask to see it.”In Joanna’s capable hands the checkout went smoothly and we quickly found ourselves outside the hotel entrance, with only the minimum of stares as we did the walk of shame dressed in our prom finery.“I’m heading that way to my friends’ house,” said Joanna, indicating a direction opposite to my route home.“I’ll walk with you to make sure you get there safely,” I volunteered.“That’s not a good idea,” Joanna replied. “If anyone sees us together, it’ll blow our cover story. Besides it’s not far, otherwise I’d have called a cab. And if there’s any trouble, I know five.
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