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I need to be whole for them.In losing Anita, I seem to have also lost myself. I mean, I'm a proud guy. I've always been the one others call when they have problems. I was in the Navy and did two deployments to Iraq, so I'm not a crybaby, I'm a realist. The diagnosis was made, and we sought treatment. We did all we could, but cancer is an invitation to the other side to which, in most cases, the RSVP can not be withdrawn.Nothing motivates me now. It's as if I'm on autopilot, and everything I do is just part of my programming. I haven't even gone back to work yet. It'd probably help me to keep busy, but I can only think of my precious wife and how much I miss her just being here.Those few seconds in the morning when I first wake up, are the only peace I get.Until I remember...Journal Entry Number Two:Anita came to me last night. It wasn't my imagination, and I didn't dream it, although everyone would say I had. I can hardly believe it myself.She lay down on the bed next to me, and we. I slowly shifted my body on top of Deborah, kissing her gently as I did before. Slowly, I changed my position. Kneeling between her legs, I slowly rubbed both hands up and down Deborah's inner thighs, enjoying the feel of the nylons she wore. I always been a leg man, and Deborah had beautiful legs. I rubbed my hands over her inner thighs, up to her stomach and over the satin of her garter belt, up to her breasts. I gently, softly rubbed her breasts, looking into her eyes as I did so. A small moan escaped Deborah's throat.Leaning over, I began kissing Deborah's thighs. Gently using my tongue, I licked and kissed her thighs and inner thighs, working slowly up towards her stomach. Continuing the gentle kissing and nibbling, I laid between Deborah's legs, my chest resting lightly on her pelvis area while I kissed and nibbled Deborah's stomach. My hands gently kneaded her breasts as I continued flicking kisses softtly over her stomach. I moved further up, gently kissing and nibbling.
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