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" "Are you married, Pamela?" "Yes, no kids though." It was obvious from her tone that this was a great sadness for her. "Do you love your husband?" "Very much so, that's the problem." "I don't understand, why is that a problem?" "You know, Sharon, until a week ago it wasn't. Until a week ago I was the happiest woman in the world. I had a loving husband, a beautiful house, and a great life. I was so happy." "He left you," I said, seeing all of the pieces fall together. She shook her head. "No." So much for that theory. "Then what?" "Did you know my husband used to keep journals?" "No." How could I? "Neither did I until I found them. They were in this box in the attic; I found them when I was doing some cleaning. The box was locked, but the lock had rusted through. I saw those bound journals inside and I just had to read through them." "What did they say?" For a long moment she didn't say anything and I didn't think she was going to tell me. Finally she sighed. "It seems my husband. I was lying in the bathtub letting thoughts pop up and fly away like tiny soap bubbles, just breathing, feeling and being in the moment, when I suddenly realized that most of the thoughts that were spinning in my head were surprisingly exact memory images of Ben stretching, bending, turning around, standing still and walking. I had barely seen what he was doing when he was there, having been stuck in anxious thoughts about someone invading my home, but it seemed that some part of me had been interested enough to store a lot of detailed information. Needless to say, the calm I was trying to reach was hard to come by that evening and after going to bed I tossed and turned for a long time before breaking out one of my favorite vibrators. The choice of being alone doesn’t just automatically make a woman’s natural urges go away and life had taught me that a self-reliant girl is a happy girl. Some of the things I had collected through the years were not only very beautiful, but also.
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