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” I’m sitting back, spread my legs, and help Ava to sit in between my legs and lean back onto me. “Ahh, that’s better, dad. The pillows weren’t that comfortable.” I’m noticing that the sheet has completely slipped off her body and that she’s totally nude in front of me now. “Are you ok like, this? I mean without clothes? Not getting cold?” “I’m fine, dad. I’ve done this with mom many times when you weren’t around.” I’m briefly startled. “What do you mean?” I’m inquiring. “You know how you decided that the nudist beach isn’t for you, because you were afraid that you um… embarrass yourself?” “Oh, yeah of course. I’ve talked with you and mom about that.” “Yeah, and you know how mom and I went off to nudist retreats without you because of that?” “Sure, Debbie has asked me if that’s ok and I agreed. I know how much she and you enjoyed your nudist time.” “Yeah, so I cuddled with mom nude sometimes at the retreats. It just feels so nice once you’re used to it. Skin on skin. It's very. You seem to think that because we made love, you’ve made some kind of permanent commitment. In your mind, it’s more than just agreeing to try. I don’t quite know how to explain it, really. You thought making love with April would be what amounted to a permanent commitment. Fundamentally, you’ve bought into your church’s ideas and teaching about sex. Mine teaches the same thing and I had the same kind of struggle. The thing is, you were scared. I wasn’t.”“At all?”“It was you, Mik! What was to be afraid of? If I couldn’t make love with you, then who? That’s what confused me about you being so afraid. I think I’ve figured it out now I’ve had a lot of time to think, lying here in the hospital with nothing else to do. At first, I thought it was just nerves, but it was more than that. You were frightened; truly frightened. But it’s not just sex. You’re afraid to be too close to people because you don’t want to get hurt. Other than Dale and me, how many close friends did you have?”“None, I.
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