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I can not hope for this to be as I would like it. Doing so would mean not considering you and your situation. So instead I attempt to get through the day as best I can. I muddle through. I struggle to maintain my composure each and every minute of my day. A day that drags on and on and gets harder and harder to get through. Each day I wonder. Each day I tell myself. I tell myself that this it is for the best. That it can’t be any other way. It has to be this way and this way only. I try to explain it to myself. I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I try. Each day I hope. I hope you are well. I hope you are OK. I hope that I am at least a passing thought in your day to day life now. I hope you remember the things we talked. Of course, first I had to decide what kind of behavior I wanted to alter, assuming it worked as advertised. Should I try to get Dad to start feeling generous and raise my allowance, or maybe even let me have a car? And I’d love to get Mom to quit nagging me to death about keeping my room clean. But after giving it a little thought, Sherry, my sister was the one I decided on.Why Sherry? Well because she had this weird idea that she was too fat when in fact she looked like a damn scarecrow. Like probably half the teenage girls in the civilized world, she wanted to be a fashion model, and weighing anything over a hundred pounds was out of the question in her twisted mind. She worried my folks sick because she just sat at the table and pushed her food around the plate, never taking more than three or four bites. Dad threatened to take her to see a psychiatrist if she didn’t quit starving herself and start putting on some pounds.So assuming there was a remote chance that this remote could.
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