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Or anybody.It just felt uncomfortable...and still does.But it happened one afternoon, unexpectedly.I was just chatting with friends when this guy I have chatted with for some time came online and started toying the idea with me.I said I wasn't into that and remembered being firm with him. We had seen each other before in cam, clothed, and enjoyed our usual friendly conversations. But today was different.Maybe it was what I was wearing that day or the way I looked or something I said, because he started unbuttoning his shirt and I found myself shocked but then curious at the same time because I hadn't seen anyone naked in cam before.I remember being glued to the monitor because all was new to me. It was exciting somehow. I watched his every move, every breath, every tease, and every look.So that's what it's like, I thought. What cam to cam sex is all about. It's real and does exist. And it was happening to me. But I wasn't prepared for something else: he was magnificent.He was tall,. Or at least kept me sane. But I know now that I hung on too tightly to him. Squeezed all the life out of our relationship. Killing whatever it was we had. I dont even know for sure that it was love (Im not convinced I really know what love is). But as soon as I saw an easy way out – Gavin Elliot – I discarded Byron. Like an ugly snake shedding its skin. *** (THE TURNING POINT) I Ching After a time of entropy comes the turning point. The glorious light that has been banished returns. There is movement but it is not brought about by force. Being in accordance with nature it arises spontaneously. The old is discarded and the new is introduced. Both measures are in balance with time therefore no harm results. *** (GROWTH) The fucking irony of it all is that Ive spent the last 10 years having a lousy time with someone Ive never loved. And all the while Ive been fantasising about the guy I dumped. Thats crazy isnt it? Im such a freak. Anyway. Forget about that. Forget about the past. Time.
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