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It was no good though. He was unable to arouse any interest.He held various parties in return and found those more fun because he was not paired off with someone. None of the women he met at these parties appealed to him. Sure, some of them were physically very attractive but they bored him quite quickly. They did not have Rachel's spontaneity or quick sense of humour nor, he sensed, her wisdom. Furthermore, he reckoned that most of them had an ulterior motive: land a moneyed widower.On the anniversary of Rachel's death he visited her grave and left flowers but then he did that every week. He went home afterwards and moped.He could not bring himself to even glance at the newspaper let alone tackle the crossword. The dogs caught his mood and slunk round the house keeping out of his way but they could not restrain themselves by three o'clock. He was forced to take them for a walk.The countryside, the fresh air and the dogs' exuberance did much to lift his heart. He actually found the. . you should listen to me."His fears and his pain hit him like a forty-pound sledgehammer and tears rolled down his cheeks as he knelt beside her chair and said, "Sometimes I don't feel like a good person, Rachel ... sometimes I feel like ... sometimes I feel like I don't deserve anything good ... because of the accident ... and because of some other things too."Her arm slowly and carefully lifted from the chair and moved around behind Eddie's head, gently drawing his head toward her. She put his head in her lap and jerkily, but so very tenderly, stroked his cheek."Eddie ... I love you ... mo'e 'n anybody ... you good enough fo' me to love. Tama'a loves you ... you good enough fo' huh to love." She wiped away a tear from his face, using all the concentration and control she had. When she finished, she looked down at him and said, "God love you, you good enough fo' God to love. You think we all stupid?" No ... no I don't think y'all are stupid ... I just..." Eddie ... you got to let go.
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