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For years before she met Nick, she’d worked very hard to maintain something close to stasis in her life. As long as Clive didn’t throw her out or start hanging around more often, as long as she worked enough to have some spending money, as long as people didn’t ask too many questions about her private life or try to get close to her, she could endure. It had been a lonely life filled with frequent anxiety but it was better than the lonely life filled with frequent anxiety she’d left behind in Flyspeck.Pilar had called her brave for leaving Clive when she did, but it hadn’t felt brave. It had felt like too little, too late. She’d left only when the writing had clearly been on the wall. Too many things she’d tried to keep static had fallen apart and her only choice had been to wait for the axe to fall or run while she still had something left.Comparably, what she’d agreed to in the last forty-eight hours seemed either heroically self-serving or just bugfuck insane. In a very short time. .."Ben tilted his head, waiting for her to finish. Obviously she was still holding something back. He shrugged. "I know it sucks, Ally, but I think you're doing the right thing by talking it out." He rubbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. "So what's the other half of your dilemma?"A lump formed in Ally's throat. She had promised the professor she wouldn't tell anyone about the book, but she wanted a second opinion. Was it for real, or just a ploy to get closer to her? And did she really want to be discussing that with a guy she had just become more intimate with? Ally squeezed Ben's hand, letting him know that she was there, but not quite ready to talk."You're not afraid that I'm going to judge you, are you Ally?" She closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears from coming. "I mean I'm a hell of a long way from perfect myself. There's no way I could critique someone else's actions with a straight face, I know that."But the longer she stayed silent, the more worried he got. Had Ally made.
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