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Vision ... But fear of myself. I was afraid of what was locked away inside. How much more of this was going to happen. How could she do this to me?How could...Another flash of name. Another bolt, crushing into my and clutching at my heart with its reality. I knew her. I let myself feel the name, and the face seemed to become more defined. I took in the blue eyes, and the soft dots of freckles across her cheeks. A soft smile formed on the wide, beautifully Irish lips, and then she was gone.And I was left with my second, insubstantial name. Another name that brought forth that feeling of home, and of love."Lesley..." I chuckled slightly at the realization of that name. I would have thought that the name would have been a tad more exotic. I don't know why, but I guess I was expecting something with a lot of strange vowel sounds that sounded like it came out of a bad fantasy novel. But Lesley was, comforting, and it felt good. Revelation. That's what it felt like.I sat there for a. " She smiled broadly at me with a mischievous gleam in her enchanting eyes.I thought about giving a macho answer, but I knew she would see past that. Besides I was not feeling macho. I felt like an inexperienced swimmer in unknown waters. Since I had such a low self image because of my weight, most of high school I could not imagine talking to cute girls like her, much less doing anything with them. I was smart and funny if you got me talking, but I spent my time reading books or hanging around my equally nerdy friends. My first kiss hadn't come until senior prom, and that was more out of pity than desire from my date.In college my roommate, Mark, an ex-gymnast who was studying nutrition and Phys Ed, had taken me on as a project. Even though I had lost the flab and was now fairly ripped, I still thought of myself as the fat kid. So the one or two cold winter nights I got as far as making out with girls at college were often ruined by my poor self-image or by being too much of a.
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