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I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering" Ooooh that feels good. "Sweetie, wardrobe emergency!" Belinda blurted as she burst through the door. "We need a red dress!"It was the end of summer and the beginning of the new year at university. I had finished my Master's and re-enrolled for a Bachelor of Education, thinking that the only outlets for five years of Pure Mathematics study were either research or teaching. I'll try teaching first.Belinda was still an undergrad and had been on campus for O-week (Orientation Week), checking out all of the new clubs and societies; seeing who had the best freebies and the best parties."We? Or you?" I asked, and not just because I didn't see how 'we' could both need the same dress. I'm small; small hips, small waist, small 8A bust; but Belinda is tiny, under five feet tall with size 6 hips and waist and an 8C bust that looks bigger because of her stature. We don't share clothes."Neither," she chirped, her eyes sparkling with excitement that suggested she was in the grip of one of her grand plans. "It's for you,.
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