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I don't want to bea woman; I mean I don't harbor feelings of wanting to be a woman. It'sjust that when I look at the pretty things that girls can wear I feel akind of envy - I want this also. If you would wear them it might beenough for me. But, to be honest, this is probably even better for me.I feel more closure." I'm glad you're so honest with me. I think in a lot of marriages theman would never confess such things. It's great that we have thiscommunication." Debbie said."But how do you really feel. So far I think that some days it's OK foryou and on others it's not. I think I need rules to follow. Likespecify dress up days during which I could be a girl and the other daysI'd be a boy." I think that's too much control for me. I still don't really know allmy feelings about this. For example, I loved dominating you last weekbut if I close my eyes and have a fantasy it's probably more about youbeing kind of strong and solid and someone who can protect me." So I guess the bottom line. "Mostly because there's stuff that I want to be sure you've been told. Here's the deal. I'm not going to commit to anything past this one trip right now. You're going to have to go as a swamper, a helper, and get stuck with some of the shit details, OK? Crystal will tell you everyone starts like that, just like she did. Hell, just like I did. I'll see that you get some time on the sticks, and see what you've got. If you pick it up, you'll probably get a lot of time on the sticks. There's a lot more to being a boatman than just rowing the raft. The days are long as hell, before dawn to after dark. We pretty well go all summer without much in the way of breaks, and we take our break over the winter. You get through the first trip OK, we'll talk about the rest of the summer. The insurance company likes to see four trips for people coming in from outside, but I can fuzz one or two if things get tight, so if you work out all right, and Louise and I think you can handle a raft, you'll get.
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