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"Gonad had wandered away from the city a week ago, and he was very bored. In a whole week, he hadn't seen any monsters, demons, wizards or even a thief. For that matter, he hadn't even seen any luscious tavern wenches or beautiful pleasure slaves either.This could be explained in part by the simple fact that he had been wandering in circles about 20 leagues from the city the whole time. The other part of the explanation was that no wizard, demon, monster, or thief in their right minds would come within a mile of the big Ballbarian.At long last something shiny in the distance attracted Gonad's attention and he wandered over to see what it was.Now some say that this was just dumb luck, but the Goddess of Chance and Fortune tends not to like folks who cast such aspersions on her intelligence.The fact is, Lady Luck has a huge crush on Gonad. As a result, he is the luckiest S.O.B. on the planet.Be that as it may, the distraction served to break Gonad out of the circular path he had been. Last year’s winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.This year’s winner was a real rocket scientist...Read on ... And remember that each and every one of these is TRUE.And the nominees were: Semifinalist #1A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk ... Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.Semifinalist #2Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It a appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed ... They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.Semifinalist #3A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was.
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