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Years ago in facing the urge to crossdresswell I went to a tranformation service in Connecticut. While I had toovercome the intial trepidation of openly admitting to the proprietor thatI was a life long crossdresser I quickly determined that she was entirelyaccepting and moreover encouraging. Over the next few hours my look waspolished to the enth degree and she achieved a degree of realism I hadnever been able to achieve on my own. Being fully dressed, made up andcoiffed I looked and felt absolutely female, entirely passable, andjubilantly content. When you cross that line denial becomes unthinkablefor you have achieved the goal that your soul has in mind for you. Yourmind shifts into the female mode. The closer you get to radical oradvanced crossdressing the more normal it feels; if you look great youfeel great and denial becomes less of a factor. The simple act of learninghow to walk well in high heels will counteract the denial for the more youdo it the more natural it. I don’t want to be alone, I want mywife back. I don’t care if we argued everyday. I don’tcare what she calls me. I just wish I could make up forthe pain I caused her. Please, Lord, just give her backto me. But it was not to be. That only happens in fairytales and this was real life.I sat at the table taking another shot of Jim Beam,tears just rolling down my cheeks. I was so lonely. Ithad only been three months and felt like years. Icouldn’t live like this.I recalled Thanksgiving just last month. The kidsdidn’t want me to be alone, so I made the trip to bewith George Jr. and his family. My daughter Dorothycame with her family so we could enjoy Thanksgivingtogether. It wasn’t a happy occasion for me at all. Ididn’t feel thankful and I knew it built tension withthe kids. There they were with their families trying toenjoy the holidays. Of course they missed their motherbut as they said, “Life goes on, dad.”They invited me up for.
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