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"There, now you look a bit like a girl."Next, he brought out a plaid schoolgirl skirt and a blouse, from his sister's high school uniform. He had Tom step into the skirt, and let him do the buttons on the blouse himself. The last part of the outfit was socks and shoes. The tennis shoes had a 4-inch platform. Tom had some trouble walking, but quickly figured it out. John then made him wear his sister's bright red lipstick for completion. After that, they just watched TV, Tom still dressed."Hey, look what I bought off some kid at school!" John said, holding out a porn magazine."Wow! Let me see!" Tom said, amazed.John pointed to a picture in the magazine "See them? Look at what they are doing. Hey, I got an idea! Since you are dressed like a girl, let's do what they are doing."Tom hesitated, then agreed. Staring at the picture, John instructed Tom on what to do."First, you get on your hands and knees. Now, I come behind you and grab your hips." John said, grabbing hold of Tom's hips.Tom. He made me so afraid of my desire to be female that iburied it until I was approaching puberty. Then the sense of wrongness,the horrible feeling that somehow, I was going in the wrong directionbecame overwhelming. But I kept it hidden as best as I could.Then I became a Christian. This made my conflict even stronger, as I wasinducted into a conservative branch of the faith, and felt sure that myneed for the feminine was a sin. This lead to a cycle of "binging" -getting girl clothes and trying to be as female as I could, followed byguilt and "purging" where I would get rid of everything, only to start upagain a week later, or even sooner.Not only that, I suffered severalbreakdowns, and seriously considered suicide several times.Finally, I realized I was hurting those who loved me by not taking care ofmyself. I got counselling for the abuse, and have finally began theprocess of being my true self. Almost immediately upon making thatdecision, I started reaping positive results. My blood.
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