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My best friend Cathy is always trying to get me to wear more feminine clothes at work and to wear dresses and make-up when I'm not working. Over the years I have gotten lazy and usually wear jeans and mens shirts all the time. I don't remember the last time I did my hair, put on make-up or tried to look pretty.A couple of weeks ago I was finishing a pole job late in the evening. I was almost 75 miles out of town in the country. By the time I got my gear packed away and headed home it was dark and past 09:00 p.m. On the way back I was driving fast to get home and next thing I knew a police cruiser was behind me with its lights and siren on. I was tired and just didn't feel like dealing with cops so I sped away. Needless to say my small truck was no match for the powerful police car. After a couple of miles I pulled over and stopped. Two huge Sheriffs deputies approached my truck with guns drawn. They were really angry and ordered me out of my truck.Next thing I knew I was slammed up. .. the thing I’m not supposed to say?”“Yes. There are a lot more details about her life you don’t know, but suffice it to say she never felt loved. Ever.”“You wrote all that other stuff in your journal, you dope!”“Shit!” I sighed. “I did, didn’t I? Well, OK, then you DO know. Think about her life. Nobody ever REALLY wanted her. Her mom tried to have an abortion and was stymied only because Texas prohibited abortions in 1960. Think about THAT! It’s like me. My mother did NOT want me. She wanted the baby she miscarried before me. I wrote that in my journal, too.”“I just do not understand that! You didn’t kill that baby! Nature did!”“Very true. But that’s not how it worked in her mind. I even got a modified version of the girl’s name she picked out. My sister got that name. But when it was clear Stephanie bonded to me, then my brother became the perfect angel for some reason. Or something. It would take a lifetime of psychotherapy to unpack that mess. And I don’t have the energy or.
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