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When I saw his folder last week, every memory, every feeling came rushing back. I hadn't even seen him yet. Just saw his name. I must admit that when I did finally see him, I was slack jawed." I blushed. Leah smiled sweetly. Ben fidgeted. I continued. "Then he shared what to me was a most tender and loving moment. He talked about you. I could see the love in his eyes, and my heart melted. My first thought was that I would give everything to have a man love me like that."I could feel tears begin to well in my eyes, and I tried to fight the emotions. Leah had tears in her eyes. I looked over at Ben, whose expression spoke tenderness and love. I spoke to him. "Hindsight is 20/20, they say. I realize now that I would give everything to have you love me like that." I couldn't hold it anymore, and the tears spilled over. So much for my makeup. Ben slid over and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to me. I took it and burrowed into his. I can't even remember her face, and I'm starting to forget her voice. I am a forty-year-old former Naval Officer, and I am stronger than this. I just need some time to be alone for a while. I'll keep writing in here, though because this does make me feel better.Nobody want's to hear me go on and on about the past. I can deal with her loss by myself. I'm just glad the kids aren't here to see me.Journal Entry Number Eight:Something's off, and I'm starting to get weirded out. The bright light I keep seeing is getting harsher, and I'm still having serious migraines. Sitting in the dark helps, but I'm feeling weak and really out of it.Maybe I should call Janelle and have her bring the kids home. I miss them, and school is about to start. My depression is getting worse, and I need someone around. I'm sure that the voices I'm hearing are just people outside. Maybe I should talk to the doc again.Journal Entry Number Nine:The kids are home and school is starting in a week or two. I am going to.
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