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Usne kaha ki jaha vo kam karta hein us ghar ki balcony se mera room saaf saff dikhta hein …. mein sharma gayi …to woh kehne laga ” aarey malkin ab kya sharmana aap mujhe bulla lijiya kariye mein aapki shayata bahut acche se karonga ” mein ye sun kar sharma gayi fir mene socha ki ab isko sub malum hi hey to fir ek idea suja .. maine socha ke vaise bhi mom dad ghar pe nahi he aur bai so rahi hein to maine usko kaha sharma kar ke ” pathoji mujhe abhi bhi mudud chahiye” usne katora niche rakha aur mere karib aakar apna hath jald se mere chut pur rakha aur ghisane laga aur bola ” malkin edhar ” ………. mujhe voh acha laga aur boli hain odhar aur aur bhi jago par ……. to fatak se usne apna doosra hath mere mamme par rakha aur massage karne laga ………. meine kaha ki mere room mein chalo aur use halke se khich kar legayi ………. usne toorant darvaja lock kiya aur bola ” malkin ap SEXY ho ” meine kaha ki pehle mujhe tumhara lund dikhao usne apna half pant nikala aur uska LLLLLLLUUUUUNNNNNNN NDDDDDDD. Any time he felt attracted to or wanted to have sex with a female, the guilt and fear would be right there screwing him up emotionally and sabotaging his chances for sexual fulfillment. Ariel was also screwed up by the fact that he saw all women as his mother and looked for his mother in all women. Because as a child, he had to be his mother's lover, he could never really be her son and there was a huge void in him from the lack of adequate, nurturing mothering that he sought to fill with sex, and a deep well of sadness from the loss of his parents' love and his childhood that he looked to sex to heal. Of course, sex could not do these things and Ariel was miserable. When he had a lover, he was afraid and insecure, and when he didn't have a lover, he felt abandoned and worthless. As a teenager, Ariel developed many addictions to avoid feeling the tremendous emotional pain he was in. He stopped taking care of his body and so became truly unattractive, which invited further rejection.
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