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SIMPLE TRUTH #2When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats".But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated."the Five Rules to Remember in Life1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.AND A BONUS RULE:6. Condoms do not guarantee safe sex;A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband!This one is compliments of johnRamblings of a Retired MindI found this timely, because today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady walks over to me and asks, "What brings you in today?"I looked at her,. The brittleness I had felt earlier was gone, Louise seemed more relaxed. ‘Do you still like your steak rare?’ Louise asked me. I smiled and nodded. Bette was squeamish about red meat and always wanted the pink cooked out of it. I mixed my drink, and went back to the living room. I thought they might still want some privacy. Louise had been gone for nearly six months by that time, but I assumed, nevertheless, that she intended to reclaim her position as wife and head of the household. Thus, I was surprised and mildly shocked when, as we were relaxing in the living room after dinner, she said, ‘Jim, would you mind if I camped in the back bedroom for a week or so until this shiner disappears? It’s awfully hard for a hooker with a black eye to get work. And I don’t want to go back to Carl. I’m finished with that asshole!’ I didn’t know what to say. I opened my mouth, but luckily, Bette guessed what I was about to say, and gave me a quick, preemptory, shake of her head. So instead of.
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