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"Thank you doctor. I am sure you did all that you could. I will callthe funeral home to make all the arrangements." I don't recall everseeing her shed a single tear for him.The next few days were a blur of activity with strangers telling me whata great man my father was. I wondered why I never saw that side of him.Instead, I walked around in a trance, alternating between sadness andfear. While I never had a great relationship with my father, was itpossible, just a little, that I would miss him? No matter how I feltabout him, I was scared out of my wits at the prospect of nominallyheading up his company, a company I had worked at in a junior positionfor only six weeks. How would I ever manage it?After the funeral, my mother went on an extended trip to the Bahamas. Iwas left to deal with my grief and start running my father's company allby myself. I remember that first morning, gathered in the Boardroomwith all my father's senior executives looking up at me. They couldbarely. I was mincing around my house, walking up and down the stairs and all throughout the house just so I could feel my clothes against my skin. I don't know how many times I walked into my bedroom just so I could look at myself in my full length mirror, I looked liked like a right little slut with my heavy make up and tight clothing, I definitely felt like a right slut.My wine was going down real easy too and I had just finished my third large glass so I went to pour myself another. I minced into the kitchen feeling my plug right inside of me with every little mincing step I took. I turned the light on and began to pour the wine. It could have been because I was euphoric from being dressed up or just because I was slightly drunk but I never noticed my neighbours kitchen light turn on. I didn't notice until I was right on front of my window looking straight out at Susan who was staring at me, not quite getting who she was looking at, and then she realised and a huge smile appeared on her.
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