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This truly is a horrendous situation. Difficult beyond all imagining for a mother, woman, daughter, companion. It is amazing that I haven't lost my mind the way I lost my moral compass in the last 10 months. How effing fragile I've become. How unable to explain why I continue to do this week after week, with no end in sight. People kill themselves over things like this. I wanted to, that first night especially, as the true horror of the situation enveloped me like a death shroud. That's where this account starts: the worst moment of my life. That split second in time that Jonathan had prayed for since the age of eleven, and never believed would come. It was the moment he reached orgasm and ejaculated into his mother's vagina.There, I said it. So much worse than a simple admission of wrongdoing. Let me say it again: Jonathan ejaculated in me at approximately 11: 06 p.m. on the evening of May 27, 2014, the day following his 18th birthday, and one shy of my 32nd. Our shared birthday. She looked marvelous to me.I must not have looked so marvelous to her! “Grim! What happened to you?”I rolled my eyes. I was going to have to answer this the entire weekend. “I’m fine, babe. It’ll be all right.”“Grim! You’ve been fighting! What happened?”“Kelly, calm down. I haven’t been fighting.” Getting punched by a cop when your hands are cuffed behind your back is not much of a fight. “I’ll explain it later. Don’t worry. Everything will be just fine.”“Grim!”There was only one way to settle my fiancée down, and that was to divert her attention to something else. I went to her and pulled her into my arms and lowered my head to hers. “Let’s talk later,” I told her. After that I pulled her over to the bed and we didn’t talk for quite a while.It was very late, or perhaps very early, when we did get around to talking, and I explained what had happened earlier. Kelly simply nodded in understanding, which surprised me. “I’d like to say I’m surprised, but I’m not. We’ve been having a lot.
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