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As we chatted I found out they were in their final year at University, and although they were in their 20's they seemed to be that much more mature, but in the pub it didn't seem to matter. The four of us left the pub and went to the local dance hall togetherI loved it, the place was packed and for the slow dances they dimmed the lights and lots of couples danced really slow tight together sometimes smooching each other. (Not really dancing more like 'shuffling' round the floor).Derek, the man I was with asked me to dance, I declined the fast dances but tried the slow ones. It was embarrassing for me as I didn't know the steps but managed to stumble round somehow. Derek was quite patient with me trying to show me some steps but the hall was so crowded there wasn't much room.Jennifer noticed how awkward I was and realized my problem. "You can't dance" she said, as if it was incredible that at my age I had never learned to dance. I didn't say anything I was so embarrassed. Over the. Exactly one week now. Exactly one week since I learnt how it really feels to lose someone precious. Nothing changes and everything goes on. You have to, too. Somehow.I'm vaguely conscious of your presence. It does not fill my head like it's supposed to. The fire's been reduced to a spark that needs to be fanned. Even when I look up into your dark eyes, it's a struggle to recognise the passion, compassion and primal lust in them. I miss your eyes. I miss your gaze. It gives me my worth, and I need to feel worthy today more than ever.Shutting my eyes, I shift slightly in my bonds. The cloth that binds my wrists to the old metal bed-frame does not hurt. It does not even restrict my movements or hold me firmly in place. Yet, there is no desire to escape or fight. Perhaps it is the dense humidity. Perhaps it is the emptiness inside that numbs the senses you're trying to awaken. Perhaps I just never want to run from you. I belong with you, to you.You sit on the bed, beside me, drinking in.
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