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"Things'll turn around, you can count on that."I was a bit amazed at her apparent concern and perhaps gave it more consideration than I otherwise would. "You aren't going to do it, are you?" she said. I guess my natural tendency to doubt such things showed. "At least think about it," she said, looking not too hopeful.Barbara and I sat in front of Denise's desk. Yes, I finally did pursue it after a bit of thought, and while Barbara hadn't seemed enthused, she'd accompanied me to two sessions already. "Well," said Denise, "I've had the chance to talk to each of you at a bit of length, which naturally helps me determine what we can do about you two." She paused, taking a breath, then smiled. Her smile certainly encouraged me but even so, as natural as it appeared, I wondered if it were simply one of her techniques. Perhaps I had a natural suspicion of therapists. "What I find," she said, "is that you two do harbor a touch of hostility toward each other that you haven't succeeded in. If those things happened, I would most likely grab a 12 pack of beer, go out in the garage on a 20 degrees-below-zero February night, start up the car, put on some Pink Floyd, and slip away into eternal sleep. Whew! Well, I began shaving my body on a daily basis. I lost a bunch of pounds that men seem to gain very easily in their 40s. I’d wear some of my girlfriend’s lingerie both around the house as well as out in public. I made purchases of girlie things on Amazon. I masturbated exclusively to gay/shemale/crossdresser videos. And so it went. Present day: My thoughts and actions are shifting a bit. I still consider myself a heterosexual. I still shave and wear women’s lingerie, underwear, etc. but the frequency is getting less compared to a few years ago. There’s nothing sexier than a woman, to me. Perhaps that’s why, if I could, I’d become a woman. But when I watch straight videos, I put myself in the place of the woman. I identify more with her. I’m not wishing I were that guy.
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