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"Any idea how I should get out of this mess?" I asked."You mean you don't know," she said sarcastically. "And you're willing to ask a mere woman for advice?"I told her I was pretty good at getting into these situations, but not good at getting out of them, and that any good advice I'd received in my life had come from a woman. She came over to take a look."I realize you spend most of your time on the good stuff," I said. "But I figured you'd have a better idea about this than I would."She told me she thought my best bet was to go right through the trees."I don't think I'm strong enough to get it lifted out of the crap it's buried under," I said.She said I should just take a 3-iron and knock the shit out of it."Keep your head down, but make sure it doesn't bounce back and brain you," she said with a laugh in her cute French accent.A laugh was better than nothing.I hit it as hard as I could but I only managed to move the ball about 50 yards. It wasn't the shot I envisioned when I swung. "Hey look, the lightweight's almost done!" someone said in the crowd, and I swear the whole entire place did a double take as I placed my fifth pome into my mouth and swallowed it. "What? I-It seems that Thorin is completly unfazed by the amount of pome he is eating and is beating Gullet by a farfly!" I didn't know what a farfly was and I didn't care. I had finished five more of the and was chewing my second to last when I decided to look at the competitors. The other three had dropped out on thier third or fourth one and gullet was trying to finish his seventh one with diffculty. I finished chewing the one in my mouth and picked up the last one before throwing it up in the air. Everybody had their eyes on it as it fell perfectly in to my open maw where it was quickly devoured. "Done." I called to the dumbstruck annoucer. "A-and the winner is....thorin?" Once again the crowd was deathly silent as I was given a check for 200 million taes and was given the ok to come back for free.
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