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"I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.Then I remembered "the local cafe serves breakfast until 11."Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a burglar sneaking through next door's garden.Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.Astonished, I got back into bed.My wife said, "Darling, you're shaking, what is it?" You'll never believe what I've just seen!" I said, "That tosser next door has still got my bloody shovel."A man is seeking to join the Vancouver Police force. The Sergeant doing the interview. The home team was playing an away game tonight, and they were losing by one goal at the end of the second period. If they could stage a comeback, they would probably secure a berth in the WCHA tournament. The broadcast cut away to the local station for a news update. ‘And in local news, this breaking story,’ the anchor announced. ‘After many days of customer complaints, disparaging tweets, and lambasting on Facebook, the wildly popular online dating service, Friends-O-Plenty, has confirmed that their computer system has been hacked.’ Aaron’s ears perked up at the report. He put down his drink and focused on the television. ‘Amanda Lowry, spokesperson for FOP dot-com, confirmed the infiltration during a news conference earlier this afternoon. She stressed that the client database was not compromised. Names, phone numbers, and credit card information were not lost, she reported. The hackers somehow modified the computer programs that identify likely client matches. The computer.
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