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I burst out with a stream of disconnected small talk -- that I was in the first year of studying engineering at the university, that I still lived with my parents, that I'd almost gotten lost finding my way to the party (not exactly true) -- in an effort to be cool.She told me she was married. Oh, damn! But her husband wasn't with her today because he didn't like some of the people -- that this was "her" crowd and he didn't feel accepted. "I can understand that," I replied, "but do you miss him being with you?"And then a bombshell: "No, not really." She took a few steps in place, twisting her lovely body from side to side. "We got married when I was really young, and I think we've grown apart over the years. He's not as tall as me, and I think that makes him unhappy even though it wasn't an issue when we hooked up." She put one hand on my forearm briefly, then flushed and pulled it away. It was electric to me, and all my efforts to hold back the tenting in my trunks began to fall. My hand went immediately tomy groin. But no, there was nothing there. Just the slit below mytrimmed bush, with the nubbin poking out between the folds. No balls.Long gone.I understand that all amputees have feelings like this - a sore thumb onan arm removed, a calf cramp where there is no leg. I am told that maleto female transsexuals do not feel the same thing. Maybe for them thegenitals never belonged, so they are never missed. But I am not atranssexual. I am a feminized man, surgically altered against my will.I check my forehead. I have always had plenty of hair, but before allthis it was receding in the front. They pulled my scalp forward when mybrow was modified, so that I now have a feminine hairline. But at thesame time my eyebrows are higher and I sometimes think that gives me avacuous look. Like I am always a little surprised. On inspection thereis not a single blemish on my face. The daily routine I must carry outhas given me soft and flawless skin.I brush my.
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