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”“No, nothing,” he replied sadly, “tonight clinched it. Her going to that motel ... I have to face the facts.”He shook his head slowly then, his elbow on the arm of the chair, rested his forehead on the palm of his hand. Then he emitted a strange chuckle, and spoke abstractedly, almost to himself.“If she’s been seeing him once a week, that means he’s been getting more off her than I have. That night in the hot tub, I got ‘sloppy seconds’ from my own wife. God damn it, what a fool I’ve been. If it was anybody else, I’d be laughing my ass off. Just a God damned clown, it’s one hell of a thing.”He felt her hand on his shoulder. Surprised, he looked up at her, he hadn’t noticed her get up and walk over to him. He saw the pitying sadness in her eyes and he wished he were somewhere else, wished desperately he hadn’t said anything, wished he could wake up and find it was all just a weird dream; he wished all that but knew it would do no good. This was reality in its harshest form.“No, don’t. Much later we saw him slip out of the room, his face sticky from your semen. Each word added to my desire until I wanted to swim out to him and turn the fantasies into reality. I loved being his woman even as I hungered to let him see how strong and commanding I could be. He waved when I looked his way, not realizing how I pictured him in that moment. I loved him more than I thought it was possible to love another person. He owned my soul. No one else understood me, or saw the pain inside me, the way he did. So I did everything I could to make him happy—but never at the expense of losing a part of myself. He encouraged me to show him, and the world, the person hidden inside. Loving him was easy. I stared at the water and let my imagination run before putting my pencil at the top of another clean page. I stood behind you, inches from your naked cheeks, absorbing the heat radiating from your skin. ‘Touch me, please, oh god, touch me.’ Your tortured whisper elicited a reaction so.
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