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Like, never pee in a girl! No, really someone told me that. So it was atime of uncertainty for me. In the middle of all this I still had afeeling of wanting to be and dress like a girl. Not that I would ever tellanyone that, but deep down inside of me I still felt this way after allthese years. I had a small group of neighborhood friends, mostly all girlsand only two boys. But 4 of us were close during the summer, we werealways together doing something. Diane lived with her mother, a war widow.Steve and Noel were brother and sister. Their parents were still marriedbut you could tell it was a marriage of convenience. He was a newspapersports reporter and their mother was busy with local politics. Yes, wewere all members of functional nuclear families back then!One of my first memories of experiencing anything sexual was with thesethree. One rainy summer afternoon, we were hanging out at Steve and Noel'shouse. We though nothing of being up in there bedrooms playing. Theirmother was. .." Tears streaming down his face, he bowed his head and let his shoulders slump, looking more pitiful and defeated than should be possible for such an intimidating figure. His voice sounded like some precious piece of fabric being torn over and over as he said, "Please tell me I'm a good boy. Please. You don't have to mean it, it's fine if you don't mean it, just... just let me hear it... just a little bit... please..." Awwww..." It had been a long car ride to reach that place, a long time for Lauren to be alone with her thoughts, to imagine all the terrible punishments that would be inflicted on her. She had a long time to prepare herself, to shut herself down and disassociate, to make herself hard and cold and heavy like a stone, that whatever torments they had planned for her would just flow over her like a river. She was completely caught off guard by such child-like vulnerability, and the stone split as a sprouting seed. She scurried up to Apis and cradled his head in her hands..
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