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She looked up at the cold, lonely moon with its huge circle of crystal haze. She picked up her other brass buttons from the shelf and wondered where Matthew was and how he was getting on as she ran her thumb over their patterned faces. She hoped that he could deal with his lack of freedom, and she realized that she was having some problems in coping with hers. She tried to pray, lifting her eyes above the glowing moon, but she failed; her attention wandered. She felt lost, abandoned.At home, in Cornwall, out of necessity, many young men and women went into service for a year at a time; she had several relatives who had done that, but here she was little different from the black house slaves or even the rural field hands and so was Matthew. She tried to picture his rough-hewn, freshly-shaved face and failed, able to recall only the breadth of his chest and the stubble on his hard chin. She crawled under her thin quilt and held the cool buttons between her breasts, wishing they were. Five was never an option. I slunk down off the bed, sticking my head around the corner to stare nervously down the hallway. Kay was standing at the end of the hall, waiting impatiently. I couldn’t spot the intruder, but I could hear her voice."She’s feeling shy, today," Kay was saying. That wasn’t really true. Terrified was more like it. I was as close to naked as I could be, and wearing a collar and ears and the crotch of my undies were sporting a dark wet patch. Even worse, it was growing even as I debated the wisdom of crawling out the back window and hiding in the bushes until nightfall. I heard Cindy’s laughter in response, sounding a little shy herself. Thinking back on Wednesday night when we’d kissed rather passionately, I managed a brief smile that soon faded as Kay crooked her finger at me. Sighing, I left the safety of the bedroom and padded down the hall. For some reason, it was easier to stay on all fours rather then stand erect, at least in my head. I think I believed.
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