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I had no idea were he'd gone, where he was living, and despite my calls, he refused to speak to me, or even listen to me. I was desperate, almost suicidal, and though I understood his hurt, I knew he loved me, or at least had, and couldn't understand how he could cut me off so abruptly like that. I cut myself from everyone, and didn't have a friend in the world. I realised how my life style had provided me with so many so called 'Friends', but none I could confide in, not one single one that I could cry my heart out to. There was one of course, but he wouldn't speak to me, and who could blame him.I'd turned down several 'dates', and told them I wasn't well. I must have sounded terrible on the phone, so I guess they believed me, and anyway I was in no condition to entertain any men. To my shame, even then, I never thought about telling them I was finished with that way of life. I hope it was just because I never thought about it clearly.After about ten days with no contact, even Sarah. “And where is your finger?”I had to think for a moment before realising I had been nervously biting on it as I read her words. I told her it was in between gripped teeth.“Feeling safe. Feeling loved. Feeling adored. Feeling captured.”Blushing, I glanced around again, checking nobody was watching as I smiled to myself, sinking into my compacted seat, consuming the black boxes starting to appear rapidly before my eyes.“Enamel vs flesh”“Mouth closing slightly”I felt myself growing warmer, shifting in my seat as I pressed my body closer to the window, not daring to lift my eyes from the screen.“Teeth pressing”“A little throb of suffering”I realised that I had been biting down hard on my finger, trying to withhold the sigh waiting breathlessly in my throat as I felt a sharp, delicious stab of pain.“You're going to leave an indent”“A small mark of your obsession”I glanced up at the man opposite, idly watching me, immediately looking away. The box on my screen pulling me back in.“Saliva.
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