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I smiled so broadly – he totally got me.We laughed and joked on the way to the pool. It was a reasonably long walk. It felt shorter when Stefan was ambling and strutting like a pony boy for us. Jessie talked a lot to Courtney. He asked her a lot of questions about herself.I didn’t think to do that the day before. I was learning about her favorite color, her favorite music, and all her interests and all because Jessie was engaging her in conversation. Courtney said she loved Taylor Swift’s music and wished she could sing like her.“Well, you are as pretty as her,” Jessie flirted.Where was the pimple-faced, red-headed nerd cousin who had his face stuck in a video game? Jessie was acting cocky, mature, and worst of all, Courtney loved all of his flattery and jokes. It was hard to strike out with Courtney because she was genuinely friendly to everyone. I was envious of how easy she made it look.I’d never be able to fake anything that sincere. The thought of actually being sincere didn’t. But who could have known how easy it would be to find or what effect it would have on me?It was so real... staring at me, accusing me, threatening me... "Turn over, young lady! I'll show you who's in charge around here!" I tried to force the thought out of my mind, but it wouldn't leave. Even the physical memory was still fresh. I could feel the damn thing hitting me.It took a while to try to deal with the emotional impact. I sat down on the couch and let myself cry, hugging a throw-pillow, biting the edge to keep from making too much noise, not that anyone would hear me.I didn't want her to hear me scream. If she could hear me scream, or cry or sob, she would know how thoroughly she had gotten to me.Of course, Mom lives half a continent away. There was no way she would know. But I still had this feeling that she was watching me with some self-satisfied smirk on her face.Eventually, I couldn't help it. I cried out loud, sobbing and wailing for the little girl inside me who was still.
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