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And I was feeling so sublime I didn’t want to change anything, so I was not going to protest, but I knew I was walking a knife edge now. Her pussy hair was clearly visible through the black panty hose. We looked at each other; it was probably only a few seconds that we held each other’s gaze but at the time it seemed like minutes. Neither of us said anything, but it was almost like we were having a conversation without words. It might have gone something like this: “Are you sure you want to do this? – I think so. How about you? – Yeah, I think so too. No, I know I want to do this – OK, yeah me too”. No words spoken.Shinny laid her hands on my shoulders and began to work on them. I thought of closing my eyes and surrendering to the moment, but I could not. I could not take my eyes off of Shinny. She had been working hard on me. Her face was bright with a thin sheen of perspiration. It was like she was glowing. I just kept looking up at her, like I was looking up into the heavens full. I was devastated, I didn't know what to do, and I had 6 weeks to decide.I swung through a whole spectrum of emotions from a feeling of "I don'tneed a man to make me feel worthwhile" and I was tempted to run away andhide but I couldn't do that to the kids I loved. Emotions swung to "Ilove him, baby Tom needs a father" I blamed myself, my looks andbehaviour wasn't that of a loving wife, I conclude that I was a goodmother but not a good wife.My mum was a frequent visitor to help me with the family, I had starteddrinking wine on an evening, it wasn't long before my mum detected thatmy excess drinking was caused by something I was unhappy about.I blurted out my marriage problems to my mum, tears, anger, confusionand the underlying feeling of disgust and devastation that he wascheating on me, if I couldn't trust him we had no future. Then myfeelings would bounce back to "I loved him, he was the only man for mehe was a caring family man, I missed him"."Look at me" I said "I am a housewife.
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