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Evidently she did not believe in shaving her armpits like most other women of her age. Since she was around my age, we became close friends instead of being just devar and bhabhi. We talked, chatted and joked with each other and we were totally at home with each other. I had her permission to call by her name jaya and she called me pro that was short form of prabhat. She had explained that she did not have the time to address me by my actual name. My brother sudeep and jaya used to occupy a bedroom next to mine in this flat. The toilet and kitchen were just adjoining their bedroom leading out of the small dining cum drawing room where both our doors opened. During nights I could hear all kinds of sounds from the adjoining bedroom occupied by sudeep and jaya. There were squeals, grunts and moans and sounds of heavy breathing. I could well imagine what was going on and realizing that the two were enjoying the pleasures of newly married life, I used to fall asleep dreaming of the days. Maybe he would have appreciated the gesture, my stopping jumping out to help. But I also wondered, how many who sat behind me in their cars would have honked impatiently as I did so. How many others sat there as I did wondering at his determination, or stupidity? Would he have appreciated someone giving him a hand, walking behind, pushing him instead of his doing it himself? Or would he have found annoyance in that? I think that all of us at times appreciate a little push, a little help once in a while. But sometimes, we need to push ourselves, even if we wigwag up the sidewalk, frustratingly so perhaps, against the wind, against the cold, against the anger and frustration for what life has given us to try and overcome. To be honest, I don’t know how I will face my own days ahead. I don’t know if I will have that kind of determination to persevere, to keep going and not give up. I admit I admired his determination, even though I felt sorry for him. But did he want that? I think not..
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