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I was 22 when I started my Master’s degree in Biochemistry. I had a Bachelor in Science, and had a research interest in hormones, especially adrenaline and serotonin. For those not interested in science, these are the hormones that regulate our levels of excitement and happiness. You may have heard the term ‘adrenaline junkie’ or watched the movie Crank with Jason Statham. Adrenaline pumps through your body when you go on a roller coaster. Serotonin is the hormone that many antidepressants target. The combination of having these two in your body makes you feel amazing and invincible. It’s a high that many people chase time and time again. I’ve learned to control that high. My Master’s work revolved around using proteins to deliver certain molecules to the body. The special part about my work is that I could use an external trigger to release the molecules. I essentially found a way to create a protein package that would open in response to a certain frequency. Without going too deep. This was me. I was tired, hungry, confused. I am Suzanne. But I wasstill me. It was more significant this third time because it all felt so muchmore familiar now. Besides, I had no choice now. In spite of allresponsible, rational considerations, I was committed to her forprobably a year. She seemed to take strength from that fact. And Itook some assurance from her presence, her assertiveness. I knew that if I didn't let her flourish that it would only bedisaster. I realized inside that I needed her to assume the life that sheneeded to assume. If I couldn't behave as a credible woman, Icouldn't conduct the project. I needed to be in control. I neededto be self-aware...even if I wasn't yet sure as to who that 'self'was.I woke up late, still in that bathrobe. My second day. I had thingsI had to do I told myself. But when I went to the bathroom and peedI was overwhelmed again by how remarkable it felt -- something soterribly mundane as just peeing. Sit on the toilet and.
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