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"Occupation?"No, just here for a few days."As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.Then I remembered – the local cafe serve breakfast until 11.30."Jesus Loves You."Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.Got caught having a piss in the. ”“Well, Ms. Brown my secretary is at lunch.”“So, before I ask how your day is going. Is this to be a professional call or a social call?”“It’s professional with a touch of social nicety.”“Then it seems that you’ve conversed with the hospital’s lawyers. Must have been an interesting conversation if you’re calling me.”“Yes, I did, and it was in quite interesting. Your Mom and I had a conversation before I called you. We are going to have a meeting this evening at my offices this evening. So, I’ll see you later young man.”“Bye, Bob.”Checking the time, it was 3:00 pm, which really meant it was 2:45 pm. My mom had all the clocks in the house set 15 minutes fast as she wanted to instill a good sense of time with us. I had enough time to take a shower, have a sandwich and read the letter from my brother.Jumping in the shower, I could tell that whatever the Agen had done was working. I hadn’t lost a ton of weight, but I was a lot firmer than I was before. I got dressed into my lawyer visiting.
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