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I took a bird back to mine for sex last night. After some complaints for the first five minutes like,”Stop, you’re too big!” And,”Please No, you’re really hurting me now!” The fat cow eventually rolled off me and let me go on top.As I staggered into the living room and sat down on the sofa, my wife looked at me and said, “Can you not just go out and have a couple of fucking drinks?”“Of course I can,” I replied, standing back up. “Just let me get my coat.When my precious little dog fell in the river Mersey, a German tourist jumped in the freezing water and saved him.Upon getting back on the pier, he checked my puppy out and said, “Ze dog is ok, he vill be fine.”Out of curiosity I asked, “Are you a vet?”He replied, “Vet? I’m fuken soaked!I have realised I still have so many unanswered questions! I never found out who let the dogs out ... the way to get to Sesame Street ... why Dora doesn’t just use Google Maps ... why we don’t ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery” ... why women. Amy was giggling and talking about how we made new friends tonight and this would be fun. We followed them for about 20 minutes and Amy was in awe when we got to Ben's house. It was in a very ritzy neighborhood and the house was a very fancy house. I got out and Amy soon joined me and I said his house looked fantastic. Ben asked us if we wanted to see it and Amy wanted to instantly. Ben came and took her arm in his like a gentleman and took us into the house. Amy was smiling as he was telling her about the house and we went inside. I said I would sit in the living room and he should give her a tour of his house. I sat on the couch and Jerome asked me if I wanted a beer and I said I had to drive but Amy would drink one.They were gone for a while and when they got back Amy was excited as she told me all about the house. Amy sat next to me and I asked to use the bathroom because I really had to take a piss. I could hear music start and when I got back out Ben was dancing a slow dance.
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